HOSPITALITY In this section some of the basic principles of  being a good host are explored and for the keen amateur some more advanced theory is touched upon. The four points of the entertaining compass are as follows; Liquids Solids  Atmosphere Music Company

RECIPES The popularity of the club's catering department relies heavily on the fact that the food  provided is our choice, specifically tailored for the event in question. It is this esoteric approach that has made the club such a hit on the art circuit.

Sweet 'n' Savoury Seasonal Treats

As an addition to your yuletime buffet this year try something interesting enough  to make your get-together more memorable.

You will need:

I get my mini donuts from Greggs the bakers in Bethnal Green high street but any bakery will do as long as the young assistants are fat with greasy hair and a pleasant disposition. Alternatively use a bakery staffed by small wiry old woman with no lips apart  (even when they speak) from the ones they apply with scarlet lipstick .
Seventy pence for ten is a good price.

The best onions are the brown ones in large jars but they are often to big for this purpose so I use the smaller silverskin variety.

Simply  hold the donut in the palm of one hand and push an onion into the centre using the thumb of the other hand as if pushing ginger root into the arse of a greyhound before the traps open .

A squirt of cream  and an optional drizzle of HP will appease the aesthetes amongst your guests while adding a certain piquancy.